Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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