so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
