I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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