Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My bed smells like the plague
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
