it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
