It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
