You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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