Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
