My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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