***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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