so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
