I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you will always have a special place in my vag
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
