Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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