I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
