everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I lost the right to judge tonight
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
