Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
