just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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