Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
