You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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