why didn't you poke me back
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
