ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
