Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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