I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
