And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize