we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
