omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
