Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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