I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
