I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
