Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
