I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
