you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
