I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize