Don't make out with my wife yet
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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