there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
