i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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