If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
