saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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