You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
