i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
