can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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