if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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