so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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