Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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