I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
