Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
