I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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