I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
