Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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