Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
