If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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