yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
