I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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