god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
