DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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