Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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