They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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