i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
