just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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