she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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