new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
