I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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