my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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