don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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