Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
