she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
