Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
