i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
