just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
