They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
