Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
