I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
