Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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