i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
