Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is it because I queefed?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
