Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
