Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
