from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
