if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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