I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
