I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
