there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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