I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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