Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
