so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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