Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize