so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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