I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
