after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
