I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
