Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's shark week go big or go home
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize