I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
