God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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